1.21.2015

The Most Honest Confession I've Ever Made

I have a confession to make. I'm a total type A control freak. Everything I do is according to some kind of plan. Whether it's written in my day planner or meticulously filed away in my brain, everything I've ever done in my life has been according to a plan of sorts.

I'm slowly starting to learn, however, that not everything in life goes according to my plan. Sometimes God has other plans and I have no control over what those plans are. I just have to trust that He has put certain desires in my heart for a reason, and when the timing is right, He will provide. For the first time in my life I have had to let go of my plans and let God take the reins, and I would be lying if I told you that this comes easy for me. In fact, it's one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do. 

My whole life has been about setting goals for myself and achieving those goals. Keeping my eye on the prize and working my ass off to succeed. It's all I know. I have a plan, a goal, in mind and I work until I reach that goal. Then I set another goal, and the cycle starts all over again. Right now Steven and I are working towards a life goal of our own. We have our eye set on the prize and we are doing everything in our power to make our dream, our goal, a reality. Unfortunately it is taking us a little longer to reach that goal than we anticipated.

This is hard for me. It's hard for me to wrap my "type A" brain around the situation. No matter how hard we work or what steps we take, we are not in control. My plans are taking a backseat at the moment, and it is so hard for me to comprehend.

In the end, I have to understand that there are many, many aspects of my life that I can control, however, this is not one of them. I'm slowly learning the art of patience and trust through this journey. I know that in the end, all my plans and dreams will become a reality. I just have to sit back, let God take over, and wait until His timing is right.

After all, I've waited my entire life to become a mommy. So no matter how frustrating it may be or how many tears I may shed through the process, I suppose I can handle waiting just a little while longer.

 Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord , “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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30 comments :

  1. Praying for you, sweet girl! You're absolutely right, it's all in God's timing and when it happens, it will be unbelievably glorious.

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  2. You plan because it means so much to you, and that's ok. I know what it's like to be a type A control freak, being one myself, and my "plans" often derive from an emotional place of feeling very passionate about a situation or person. However, you are absolutely right in that some things you just have to relinquish control of. Sometimes, you just need to focus on serenity instead of a plan. I truly believe everything will fall right into place for you, Morgan. <3

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  3. You are a strong woman and I can't wait to see you become a mommy! Keep praying and leaving it to Him to give you this greatest gift!

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  4. I am 100% the same way. Total Type A, organized freak who has a plan for absolutely everything. But, God always fulfills his promises to you. Hang in there!

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  5. Aww Morgan... I'm sure you'll be fine. I can't give you any credible advice (albeit unsolicited), but I'm rooting for you on this journey.

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  6. It is really hard to let go of the things that are out of our control and let them happen when they are supposed to instead of when we think they should. Doing everything right and still not getting what you want is so frustrating and emotionally draining. Don't let it get you down! I know great things are meant for you and Steven. And I know that you are going to be an amazing mommy when the time is right :)

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  7. I literally just prayed over and jotted that scripture down in my journal last night because I, too, am a type A "in control" person but some things are NOT mine to plan. Praying that you'll find peace and that you'll have patience as God unfolds his plan for you. <3

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  8. My husband and I are in the same boat.. Sometimes- after I cry- I smile (eventually).. Because of course, my "plan" isn't what He wants right this second.. But it will happen. For both of us!

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  9. I'll be praying for you! I totally understand that it can be difficult letting God take control, but he has a plan and it will work out in time. If you ever just need someone to talk to and get it all out, I'm happy to listen! <3

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  10. I know how you feel, there have been times in the past two years, since getting married, that my type A control self has been left in a puddle of tears and dissapointment as I understand that hard work, passion, determination, and a will to be successful is not enough when it comes to certain "life changes" (for me, a baby, which I "think" is what you are referring to as well?) (never good to assume...isn't that what always gets us in trouble?). Hang in there, there is a plan for you, and your love will continue to prove it to you.

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  11. I feel ya girl! I am a complete control freak too! However, I didn't become a full blown control freak until I was like 17 or so. Before that, I was pretty easy going. These past 2 years I have also learned that not everything can be in my control and go according to my plan. And I just have to deal with it, accept it, and adjust. It is sooo hard to let go though. My boyfriend is not a planner whatsoever.

    http://dogmomchic.blogspot.com/

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  12. Mike and I are actually going through the same thing right now. We thought it would be so easy. It seems like we've had so many "scares" in our life before we were actually ready, and now that we're ready it's taking way longer than we had anticipated. It's not something that can be controlled, however, so I'm with you. We need to let go and let God and see what he has in store for us. Maybe it's just not the right time.

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  13. It's so hard when you don't have control over something (why I can't stand flying), but it will happen for you -- I know it will! You will be the best mommy ever! Praying for you and Steven!

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  14. Oh girl I am the SAME way. Thankfully, I can often snap out of it when I remind myself of truth and how I really don't have control anyways!

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  15. Love you girl & thinking of you. I've struggled with being a planner my entire life and with this same thing for the past year or so. Thinking of you!!

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  16. Praying for your planning heart...this post is SO beautifully written...thanks for sharing your struggle and being vulnerable with your honesty. I know with out a doubt that God has it all planned out perfectly....believe that friend!!!

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  17. We are so a like it's scary! Thank you for sharing your struggle, so many women feel so alone. It's nice to know that there are other women out there going through similar situations and that someone else understands how you feel. I'm here for you as always my friend!

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  18. I am feeling your pain. We are still dealing with the same as you and it is one of the most frustrating and depressing things ever! I hope you have some good news soon!

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  19. My husband and I are going through the same thing right now. He has always said he wants his first child before he turns 30 and after we have a house of our own. He turns 30 this August, and we bought our house last December. We've been trying since October (I know - not that long), but we didn't think it'd even take this long. It makes me upset to see so many people NOT wanting to get pregnant getting pregnant all the time, but those of us who desperately want to get pregnant have trouble with it. I need to give it all over to God too because obviously it's not in His plans for us right now. Thanks for this reminder.

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  20. Morgan, I loved this post. I've told you before that we are both so alike in so many ways and many times when I read your blog I can see a lot of myself in you. Trying for a baby is hard, we went through something similar while we were trying and it literally broke my heart a million times over again every time my plan was not fulfilled. Not only with a baby, but this year I have put so much of myself in to God and really given him every ounce of my worries and though it has not been easy he has always answered or provided the right path. I promise you with everything in my heart that when you finally find the ability to stop controlling the situation and really just let life and God's plan happen that it will be perfect. I will be praying for you and I literally will hope for nothing more than for you to be granted your wish. I cannot wait to see what happens and of course I know that when the time does come you will make such an amazing mother! xoxo sweet girl.

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  21. Girl! Everything you're saying, I can totally relate! I am an EXTREME type A and have some issues with control as well. I've always been a planner and I hate doing anything without a set schedule, an idea at a minimum of what the plan is. Dealing with infertility, for me has taught me a BIG lesson about control and letting go. I'm often reminded of the serenity prayer, "accept the things I cannot change" there are many factors of infertility (and many other things in life) that are totally out of our control, although it's been quite an adjustment for me, it is something that I've been working hard on and that is letting go of the fact that it is out of my hands. Probably the hardest part for me. Always know that there is a lot of support out there, me being one of them, if you ever have questions or are looking for some support, please reach out!

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  22. My husband and I went through the same thing. It took us a long time to conceive. When we finally did I was beyond thrilled and thankful. During my wait God taught me so much about peace and patience. I have to give God all of the glory for creating the most beautiful little girl for our family and it was all in His time. Trust in the Lord. He will give you the desires of your heart.

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  23. I appreciate your honesty. We need more people who share their flaws because we learn a looooot from them. I also sometimes feel like I'm a control freak myself so it's hard when things don't go my way. That verse has helped he feel assured and comforted every time. :)

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  24. I love you and I pray for your dreams often, because I'm praying for the same thing for Ben and me. God will provide when the time is right! I'm here for you girl!

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  25. I know how you feel with the type A and not being able to control things. Sending you a lot of love Morgan!

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  26. Hi Morgan,as you can see from all these responses, you are not alone, we are not alone. I am thankful to woman like you that open up because sometimes in our hardest times we can feel like we are the only ones, especially in a world filled with facebook statuses of baby's and pregnancy announcements. This week was another let down for me so your openness reminds me that I need to be strong not only for myself but for everyone else in our situations.

    We are not alone. http://www.simplyadapting.com/2014/10/when-life-gives-you-lemons.html

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  27. Trying to get pregnant comes with a whirlwind of emotions. God truly has a grand design in place for you in your husband. It may happen this month, or next month, or maybe in a little bit longer of a time frame. But His plan is immaculate. Praying that your pain will be eased knowing that God has you (specifically YOU) in mind!!! He knows your desires :)

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  28. Aww you are so strong! This was so beautifully written and I'm so glad I read it, because when that time comes for my husband and I , I will know the timing is everything.

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  29. i am so sorry that you are struggling!! i can't imagine what you are going through and how hard it must be. my prayers go out to you, i am so sorry! hugs xxxx

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